Are we there yet?

Posted by ehren

This travelogue has never really lent itself to dialogue form, but today it will serve to spare the reader a lengthy description of the first 300 miles or so of open plains on our drive to North Dakota. Did you know the bus has cruise control? Distances are inaccurate, and fabricated.

54 Kilometers:
M: Here comes a turn!
E: Oh no!
M: It's a Slight Left!
E: So dangerous!
M: Here we go!
E: Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!

97 Kilometers:
M: This is flat.
E: This is actually rolling hills. It gets flatter.

125 Kilometers:
E: See? I told you it could get flatter.
M: Oh my.

203 Kilometers:
E: How do you feel about food?
M: Well... I mean... it's been one of the most important aspects of my life since I was born, and -
E: I swear I will throw you out of this moving bus.
M: Ok, sorry, sorry. I'm not super hungry... but I have a couple hour window in me.
E: You have a window inside of you?
M: Don't go turning the super-literal thing around on me.

In Medicine Hat, the self proclaimed "City of Gas", we stopped for an hour of internet and a showing of "Wedding Crashers."

225 Kilometers:
E: Wow, I forgot where I was in the movie theater.
M: The bus is a left then to the top of the hill.
E: No, I meant... Medicine Hat, and Canada.

230 Kilometers:
E: [at 45 mph, climbs across engine cowling to reach camera on dashboard]
M: I could have gotten that, you know, without endangering our lives.
E: Where's the challenge in that?

255 Kilometers:
E: We'll be on the Trans-Canada Highway until just before it goes into Regina.
M: Tee hee.

335 Kilometers:
E: I've always wanted to go to Saskatchewan.
M: All I saw was a sign that said not to bring wood back into Alberta.
E: Wood? There are no trees here. And there's a logging truck sign.
M: Dunno. Their slogan is "Saskatchewan...Naturally"
E: Weird.

398 Kilometers:
M: In a few weeks it will be increasingly less likely that I'll be watching the sun set over a chicken truck.
E: That's not a chicken truck... pigs or cows maybe. The holes are too big.
M: Well, a livestock truck.
E: I most likely won't be quibbling about varieties of livestock trucks in a few weeks.
M: True enough.